ok. lots more pictures in the pictures section. that chemistry textbook is a wealth of funny shit. yeah, i've had the book since the start of the year, but it's only been the exams that have made me actually read it. you know the way these things are. fucking look at them. they're pretty funny.
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heheheh. i was drinking one night a few days ago, and had to get up fucking early the next morning. yeah, like seven o'clock early. that was a fucking cunt to start with, but then, as i woke up, i discovered that i was still drunk...two words: tripped out! just a word of advice to you cunts in general - there's a reason for sleeping in late. it's so that you don't have to pretend to be sober when you're quite obviously not. oh well...alright. it's time to be rude. vulgar, even. try using the crude word generator. you have to activate speech by clicking on the button before it will swear at you, but once you've done that, simply build your own swear words using the parts provided, click swear, and away you go! you're well on your way to being as vulgar as even the most ahem, 'hardened' sailor. pun quite intentional.
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new pic in at the pics page. check it here. oh, and we introduce the brand new 'diary of a goon.' it's fun, exciting and downright rude. updated whenever the fuck we feel like (just like the rest of the site, you impatient cunt). it should be a laugh. or, at least, it'll makes sure you know never to look at a goon the wrong way. (there's a fair bit of excess anger in the goon HQ, i'm told. you fucking cunts. why the fuck would you think that?) filled with tales of seat-, school-, weed- and road-rage, this is the ultimate in reality-tv. ok so i'm lying to your fucking face. i don't give a fucking shit. you can all go shit in your fucking handbags. fucking cunts.
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i had the possibly single worst experience of my life the other day. driven to despiration, i was forced to drink light beer. yeuch! it's probably the faggest drink of all, (excluding girl-drinks etc.) and it is pretty much just fucking dishwater. there's approx. fuck all fucking alcohol content. i downed four in a few minutes, and all that happened was that i had a spectacularly bad aftertaste. it's fucking shit. probably the faggest fucking invention since fucking sliced fucking bread. whoever fucking thought of making light beer should be fucking killed. in fact, i am considering offering some kind of reward for the fucking fag's head on a stick. i really think that it's the biggest fucking waste of fucking money, not to mention that whoever buys it is instantly classed as not only a fucking faggot-bitch-slut-cunt-face, but they are also public enemy number one. next time you're at a bottle-o, if you see someone paying money for light beer, just go up to them, slap them in the face (with a shank, if you want...), take their money, and tell them "that's what you fucking deserve for even trying to buy that. cunt." and you know what? that is what they fucking deserve for trying to buy that faggot shit. make sure that you fucking take that money though. you can either pocket it for yourself (or buy some goon for yourself: you are at a bottle-o, remember?), or, if you're in a charitable mood, you can go spent that money on a real fucking drink, like vodka or some other spirit, give it to the faggot, and demand that they drink it all then and there. it helps to be packing a fucking piece so that you can force them at gunpoint to drink it. yeah. if they don't then you can shoot them. trust me, i know all about the laws. oh yeah. i almost forgot the reason for this update to the main page: we have mail-order brides for you to buy, direct from russia! click on the ads and we get money! yay!
ok. here's a tiny billiards game for all you fuckers to play. it's 97k or some shit. just fucking play it. cunts.
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ok. we can finally start to reap the income we deserve: all you have to do is click on the banners regularly. what banners? the ones i haven't made yet, cunt. don't ask fucking stupid questions. what you can do to help is clicking on the porn page, and then clicking on the links to porn sites regularly: i know all about the stories involving six times a day. you'll never live that one down. anyways, there's porn at the end of the links, and quite possibly a fair bit of it. you fuckups should click on the links as often as you can. cunts.
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i've finally got off my ass and recreated the icons. they're a considerable bit better than the old set. if anyone dosen't go download them and use them, they're in big trouble. i mean fucking-i-will-fucking-rape-your-fucking-skull trouble. so you had better do that. you can also get to them if you happen to be looking at the desktops page. like you would fucking give a shit anyway. well fuck off then!
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i'm in the process of making a three-hour video which will induce seizures in anyone who watches the whole thing. well, it's actually a video of stuff to watch while you're ripped, but hey. it's going to be fantastic. anyways, i've decided to put a very popular segment on the goon site as a kind of sneak preview. i'll be frank: it's a strobe. running at 25 fps, it simply flashes black and white really, really quickly. it's only made up of 2 frames, and you have to loop it to actually see what's going on, but it is only 8kb...which is nice. if you want to buy copies of this on video tape (pal B format only) for cheap, just take a look at strangeholiday.com. you'll go nuts!
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well now, this is interesting. a little program that tells you how to grow a certain type of, ahem, weed. why on earth would anyone want to grow weeds? surely a more profitable crop, such as tomatoes, would be a more sensible option. in any case, this interesting program will allow you to simulate the growth of three plants (or weeds, as they should properly be named), for up to one-hundred days. sadly, the time needed to harvest a cyber-crop is about three-hundred days. oh well. i'm sure one of you highly intelligent kind people out there can find some kind of mechanism for bypassing this function? please let us know if you find something of the sort. i believe that this program also makes use of a highly amusing animated character: i would like to defenestrate him. do you prefer this less agressive, kinder approach to the antics of the institute? the previous swearing and cussing have been removed from this section due to complaints about the anger level in this site. now, you fucking cunts, that's enough of that. i can't fucking stand having to fucking write in that fucking pansy 'oh-i-am-so-fucking-considerate-and-kind-and-caring-and-fucking-sharing' bullshit. i really can't be fucked toning myself down, cunts, so i'll just continue to speak my fucking mind. and so, to all you fucking fuckups out there who are offended, i say: go and fuck yourself. you can go and give yourself a gravel and treacle enema for all i care. in fact, please do. please take the time to mutillate yourself in the name of fucking not being such a fucking fuck face. happy? cunts.
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just thought you'd like to know that we're moving to http://aigoon.mbarron.net. and, eventually, http://aigoon.da.ru will cease to work. ha ha fucking ha. and, not that it really matters, we are now part of the deviantART webring. click on the link at the bottom of the page to see the things, and visit the other sites in the ring. play with the ring. toy with our ring. you sick fucks.
ok. for your convienience, the entries in the goon diary have been reversed: now the newest stuff is at the top. i hope you can handle the change. and, soon, you'll even get the date something new was posted...wow.
what can i say? thank god that's over. we've been having some problems with the server recently, and as a result, some of the pictures and most of the videos have been down for the past...i don't have a very good concept of time. hell, i don't know how long they've been down for...it could have been months...maybe only days...perhaps...oh i don't really give a shit. you can all go and get fucked for all i care. they should be up by now. but, of course, getting cgi working again is probably going to be a bit of a cunt. oh well...it just means that you won't be able to use this contact page properly...just e-mail the old fashioned way, you fucking sluts. and, it also means that the counter is out of action for a little bit. don't worry, as soon as it's back up, i'll make some random numbers for each page..or not. i can't be fucked. i might make them all start from zero again...oh well. ok. here's a fun game: see if you can find the counter. there should be one on each page...with the emphasis on 'should'. find it, and you'll win a great prize. and no, i won't tell you what it is before you get it...although i will hint at the fact that there's now 25% more...
and now, for another useless feature, we have moodstats™. it's fun, educational...ok. i'm lying. it's neither of the above. if you click on the words "moodstats™" at the bottome of every page, you can view the mood, creativity, and stress placed upon a prime goon. stupid, i know. hell, i don't care. go and get a copy of moodstats™. i'm sure you'll find it worth your while. if you do, we'll put you into the moodstats mixture...you can be on the goon site too! contact us here.
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all the cool kids download these desktops, and the really cool ones even print them out and put them on t-shirts.
(just trying a little peer pressure. the way i figure, most people here are too dumb not to fall for it...hell, i may as well try. for the rest of you, here's a page with some desktops that you may want to use. some of them are really cool...and some....not so. but hey. let us know what you think with this easy to use form. cunts.)
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well well well. here we have some more videos. they're great. i promise. well, if you don't think so, you can get fucked. the first one is called by many names, "lions, tigers and bears" being only one. it's stuff being set alight. w00t! the second one, in which the flat becomes rather rugged terrain, "insecure society", is an adventure into the unknown. unknown what, you ask? i won't tell you, you fucking insolent twat. and, the third, and final, video clip is a rather unknown number performed in-house, with the assistance of a certain well known budget retail chain. (we bought the main prop from there.) "'ninghams gets what it deserves" is both entertaining and wholesome, teaching moral values to all. dense cunts. you'll be interested to note that there are now links to all the videos on the site from this page. it's just a little fucking tidying up of the quicklinks section in the top corner. yeah? well fuck you too.
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well now. i found my old files...and this was amongst them. it's a recording i made from a cheap vinyl on the cover of the september 1979 issue of modern motor magazine. it's called "modern motor tests the new holdens on lp disc". exciting stuff. it's pretty funny, and you car sluts would find it...informative, i'm sure. slut.
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i really don't think there is much on the web more amusing than japan. yeah, the whole thing. i mean, who else can come up with classics like 'all your base are belong to us'? no-one, i think. well, in the vein of all your base comes yatta. it's fun, it's educational, and continued use may result in limb loss. i know we have a rule that we're only allowed to put original stuff up here, but this is just so brilliant that i had to. oh, and it's only available (from this site) for pc's. if you've got a mac, you're probably too busy 'thinking outside the square' to find this funny. yeah? so go fuck yourself. search elsewhere for the straight up .swf. i don't trust you lot to be able to open a swf without having a player included, so it's about 300-400k bigger. that's what you pay for being a bunch of dense cunts.
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for your viewing pleasure, we have issue one of amazing audio adventures featuring fantastical splendid comicks. it's a comic book, except with sound. pretty cool. in fact, it's fucking brilliant. yeah, you need flash five for this too. just fucking get it. if you don't, just think of all the fun you're missing out on. you fucking cuntface whorebag. alright then, no need to get stroppy. go back to your fucking internet porn or whatever, and ignore this. wanker. get flash here.
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we went on a goon excursion one day. you know where we went? we went where every other fucker has gone. the recently-abandoned coopers brewery. yeah, fucking original, i know. we found, amongst other things, some photos of the 1988 family picnic. fucking fantastic. have you ever wondered what it was really like back then? i really don't give a fuck if you do or not, but now you can find out. check out those totally radical children! they're hip and hapening. yeah, fuck you too. i will shank your skull.
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one quiet physics lesson, we came up with this fucking idea: ejector seats. yeah, we were doing questions and...ok. we weren't fucking doing any questions. we were fucking around and decided that the helicopter couldn't lift the bus. thunk thunk thunk, glump. BAM! and you're fucked. teachers are fucked. anyways, what would happen if you got hit by the plane when you ejector seated? well, to answer this question, we have prepared this short fucking demonstration. oh, and because i couldn't think of where else to put it, what happens when lots of people have a debate? they have a mass-debate! geddit? well fuck off then.
you need flash to see this bit. i understand that a lot of you just don't have flash, because it's 'too hard'. you're a lazy fucker. it takes about three minutes to download, and no effort to install, so if you don't have it, you're a bit of a fuck up. no, sorry, you're a huge fucking mistake, and you should have been strangled at birth. oh, and you're adopted. get flash here.
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i discovered this somehow. i really don't remember, but hey, what are you going to do about it. it could be fucking useful for completeing assignments or shit like that....it makes up absolute bullshit about nothing really. it's worth a laugh. just fucking download it. if you can't work out how to use it, you're a fucking idiot.
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what do you get when you combine goon, camera, a whistle, and the obvious? this. a very fucked up video clip, hopefully to be appearing on fox kids soonish. it would probably fit on eat carpet better, but i don't give a shit. you can go fuck yourself if you don't like it. it's called "it's a catty cat world", but it could probably be more aptly named "what the fuck is going on here, i can't fucking tell." the music was done in-house by a certain very famous goon....but i WON'T GO DROPPING ANY NAMES. it's nice, but you probably can't see the detail. it's to keep the file size down, i promise. what would you prefer, being able to download the thing in three minutes and not being able to see what's going on, or having to wait a few hours, and being able to see our disgusting faces clearly? well? i think i know the answer.
you twisted fucks.
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we also have for your enjoyment a photo gallery. we've finally succumb to good web design and included thumbnails of the pictures to alleviate slow loading times. yay! we're always looking for more to help out here, so e-mail us at the first opportunity you get. please.
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we encountered a problem not long ago with the amount of space the site was taking up on the server....so we had to cut back to a very 'nothing' site. sorry. but now, in all it's glory, we announce the australian institute of goon version seven. yeah, it's taken us that many tries to start planning properly. hey, we're even using swanky new dreamweaver four templates, and even cascading style sheets! crazy! this site has only been tested on internet explorer six and windows XP, so who knows how it's going to turn out on your machine and, frankly, i don't care. if it dosen't work for you, you can tell me, but if you can't tell me how to fix it, you can go fuck yourself. i can't be fucked fixing shit like that. but, please tell me about dead links and shit like that. if you don't....well. i'll leave you to imagine just what i would do to you. think boiling oil and vegetables. cuecumbers, espically. hmmm. as per usual, we're asking for your help filling up the server, and you had better actually do it this time. if you don't, we'll be sending the goon squad over to your house to fix you up. cunt.
a note about navigating this site though. at the bottom of every page, thanks to my incredible template system, is a link called 'back'. it should work unless you've got some shit going on with javascript or something. it's the same as clicking the back button on your browser, so if it dosen't work, just use your browser like a good cunt. and, due to popular demand (i wanted it, so that means popular), we have a "quicklinks" bar on the side. it will contain all the links you'll need to safely navigate the site. should make it a lot easier to find what you want. also, when you are looking at pictures, you can also click on the picture itself to go back. nice!
and, without further bullshit, onto the site. we have for you this evening, a delightful video presentation entitled "even the elderly get bored at victor." it's a journey through the juxtaposition of diametrically opposed ideas: the destruction of property on one hand, and old age and 'wrinklers' on the other. enjoy. oh, and you'll be pleased to note that it's in .avi format for easier downloading. no more shit with fucking media player fucking us around. rape that skull! it's in divx version four point one two, so you *might* have to go download a new codec or something. here would be the best spot. if you can't get it, i don't fucking care. some cunt has been fucking with the file, so this has been down for a while. thanks a fucking lot, mate. it's back up, so there's no excuse for not having seen it. go put it on morpheus or whatever bullshit program you cunts use now.
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